- Tips on how to make eye contact with your autistic child
- Step-by-step guide to help your child meet your gaze
One of the early signs of my son’s autism was not making eye contact. In the years that followed, learning this skill was key to his speech development, and even now I encourage him to make eye contact when he is communicating with someone.
Here’s how my son and I practised making eye contact in the early days, drawing on advice from his speech pathologist and books on autism.
Go down to your child’s eye level
As an adult, you are taller than your child. This means you can always see their face, so it’s easy to read their expressions. But remember that, as the shorter person, your child can’t see your face unless they consciously lift their gaze. Even if they do look up, your eyes are far away and your expression can be difficult to read.
So bend down, squat down — do whatever it takes to bring your face down to the same height as your child’s and put it squarely into their field of vision.
Face their body towards yours
Just squatting down next to your child might not encourage them to engage. Gently place your hands on their shoulders, arms or cheeks to guide their gaze towards you.
It’s a way of telling your child, ‘I’m talking to you’ with more than just words.
Give specific instructions
Use detailed, positive words to guide your child’s gaze. Avoid negative framing or vague phrases.
Do say ‘Look at mummy’s eyes’
Don’t say ‘Don’t look away’
Do say ‘Look at Mrs Evan’s nose’
Don’t say ‘Listen to your teacher’
Do say ‘Look at the bottle on the table’
Don’t say ‘Your drink is over there’
Point with your finger
Point at your eyes as you say ‘Look at mummy’s eyes’. This will help make your instructions even more specific and visually engaging.
You could first gently touch the side of your child’s eyes before pointing at your own eyes, drawing a line in the air that you want your child’s gaze to follow.
Ask your child to look at your nose
If your child finds it uncomfortable to meet your gaze, ask them to look at your nose instead.
Or you could try pointing at your mouth. Watching your mouth move will also help your child’s speech.
Summary
Bring your own face and eyes into your child’s line of vision.
If your child struggles to look directly at people’s eyes, encourage them to look at the speaker’s nose or mouth.
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